KEY TAKEAWAYS

• How do I know if my office is a toxic workplace?

• Why is my Manager not so smart but still has the role of Manager?

• What is the best thing to do if my Manager is toxic?

IS YOUR MANAGER CREATING A TOXIC WORKPLACE?

Daniel TJ International Correspondent Tokyo, Japan

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had my fair share of jobs where the atmosphere in the office felt… heavy. You know what I mean, right?

That sense that everyone’s just dragging themselves through the day, eyes darting around, making sure they don’t say or do the “wrong” thing. It’s not just stressful—it’s soul-crushing.

And the thing that I’ve learned (the hard way, honestly) is that it almost always comes down to one thing: managers who aren’t leaders.

Sounds simple, but trust me, that difference is massive.

A leader is someone who inspires you, who makes you feel like your work matters. They’ll fight for you when upper management pushes something insane.

They’ll actually listen when you raise a concern. A “manager,” though? Man… a manager is just somebody who checks boxes, covers their own butt, and makes sure they look good to their boss, even if it means throwing you under the bus.

And if you’ve ever been in that kind of toxic workplace, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I used to work in an office where, honestly, I thought I was losing my mind. On paper, it was a decent company.

The pay wasn’t bad, the office was shiny enough, and people on the outside would say, “Wow, you’re lucky to work there.” But inside? God, it was suffocating.

My “manager” (I put that in quotes for a reason) was obsessed with control. Like, down to the smallest detail.

If I sent an email and used a word she didn’t like? She’d call me into her office and make me rewrite it—sometimes five or six times. Not because it was wrong, but because it wasn’t her way.

She loved playing people against each other too. Classic toxic boss move. She’d tell one person something, tell me something else, then sit back and watch us scramble and argue.

Looking back, I think she actually enjoyed the drama. That office was like a reality TV show, minus the cameras and any chance of prize money.

And you know the worst part? It didn’t just stay in the office. I’d go home exhausted, brain buzzing, wondering if I was the crazy one. I’d wake up at 3 a.m. replaying conversations in my head.

I stopped hanging out with friends because I just didn’t have the energy anymore. That’s what a toxic workplace does—it bleeds into every part of your life.

Now, if you’re wondering how to tell if your workplace is toxic, let me share a few red flags. Because honestly, sometimes you don’t realize you’re in the middle of it until it’s way too late.

1. Unwritten rules. Oh my God, this one’s big. Every toxic office has them. Like, the handbook says one thing, but in reality, you’re expected to do something totally different. Maybe it’s staying late every night even though your hours are technically 9 to 5. Or pretending to agree with the boss even when they’re dead wrong. These rules aren’t written down anywhere, but break them, and you’ll feel it. Cold shoulders. Snide comments. Maybe even being left out of projects.

2. Fear culture. If everyone’s afraid to speak up, that’s a bad sign. In healthy workplaces, people can disagree or point out problems without worrying they’ll get punished. In toxic ones? The second someone raises a concern, they get labeled “negative” or “not a team player.”

3. High turnover. Look around. If people are constantly quitting—or mysteriously “not a fit” after a few months—that’s not bad luck. That’s a pattern. And trust me, it’s not going to change just because you “stick it out.”

4. Fake positivity. This one used to get me. On the surface, everything looks cheerful—posters on the wall about teamwork, mandatory “fun” activities, managers talking about the “company family.” But scratch the surface, and you realize it’s all just a cover. People are smiling with their mouths but not their eyes, if you know what I mean.

Why is it so dangerous to stay in a toxic workplace? Because it chips away at you slowly. It makes you doubt yourself. It kills your creativity. I’ve seen brilliant people—people who were full of ideas and energy—get reduced to these quiet, anxious shells of themselves after a year under a bad manager.

And here’s the kicker: staying too long in that kind of place can wreck your career. Not just because it drains you, but because toxic managers rarely advocate for your growth. They don’t want you to shine; they want you to stay small so they look big. That means fewer promotions, fewer opportunities, and more wasted years.

I stayed in that awful job way too long, thinking maybe things would get better. They didn’t. They never do. And when I finally left? Oh man, the relief was unreal. Like I’d been holding my breath for two years and finally exhaled.

If you’re in a place like that right now, let me just say this: you don’t owe them your loyalty. You don’t have to “tough it out.” You’re not weak for wanting to leave. Actually, you’re strong if you recognize the signs and get out before it drains you dry.

And listen, I get it. It’s scary to leave a steady paycheck, especially if you’ve got bills, family, responsibilities. I’m not saying quit tomorrow without a plan. But start looking. Start imagining a life where you don’t wake up with a knot in your stomach every morning.

Because here’s the truth no one really tells you: there are good workplaces out there. There are leaders who will see your potential, support you, and actually care about you as a human being. I didn’t believe it until I found one. And man, the difference is night and day. I actually look forward to Mondays now. I feel respected, trusted, and—crazy as it sounds—I actually like my boss.

So, if your workplace is toxic, with managers who aren’t leaders, please don’t settle. Pay attention to the red flags. Notice those unwritten rules. Trust your gut if something feels off. And most importantly—don’t let them convince you that you’re the problem. You’re not.

A toxic workplace doesn’t deserve you.

And once you’re out? You’ll be amazed at how much lighter life feels.

That’s my little coffee-chat rant. If even one person reads this and decides not to waste another year in a soul-sucking job, then it was worth writing.

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