KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Been ghosted in Japan? Advice for dealing with a ghoster

• Reasons why they ghost. Not what you think. But it's prevalent in Japan

• Examples of how others responded to the ghoster in Japan

• Contact SavvyJapan-Today.com if you have been ghosted and want to talk to someone. We are not Psychiatrists - however we are good at listening. 070.9041.6946. Japan

JAPAN: THE COUNTRY OF GHOSTS

Daniel TJ International Reporter Tokyo, Japan

Being ghosted happens in every country. However, being ghosted in Japan is much more of a thing. Being ghosted suddenly and inexplicably cut off from someone you trusted—can feel like a betrayal of the worst kind.

It’s painful, confusing, and often leaves you questioning your worth. Whether the ghosting was done by a friend, family member, or romantic partner, the aftermath can be emotionally draining.

However, it’s essential to understand that ghosting says more about the ghoster than it does about you. The ghoster has issues that you did not know about. Do not ever think that you are a bad person or that you are somehow not worthy of his or her attention.

Unless you’ve done something harmful (and they communicated this to you), their decision to ghost reflects their inability to face the relationship maturely.

This article offers compassionate advice on how to navigate this situation, heal, and find closure when the ghoster provides none.

We’ll also explore why people ghost and why it’s rarely the fault of the person left behind.

BEEN GHOSTED? THEIR LOSS

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Ghosting triggers a whirlwind of emotions: confusion, anger, sadness, and even guilt.

Suppressing these feelings only prolongs the healing process.

Allow yourself to feel what you need to without judgment.

Journaling or talking to a trusted friend can help you process your emotions.

“I cried for days when my best friend stopped replying to my messages. Eventually, I wrote a letter to her that I never sent. It was my way of saying goodbye to our friendship.” – Miyuki H., 27. Tokyo

2. Resist the Urge to Chase

When ghosted, the instinct to seek closure is natural.

You may want to send repeated texts or make calls asking for an explanation.

However, chasing after someone who has already chosen to walk away can worsen your hurt.

Closure doesn’t come from their answers; it comes from your decision to move on.

“I kept texting him, asking why he cut me off. After the third message, I realized I was only prolonging my pain. I blocked him instead—it felt like taking my power back.” – Marcus, 31.

3. Take Responsibility Only If Necessary

Reflect on the relationship.

Was there a misunderstanding or conflict that might have led to the ghosting?

If you can identify a specific incident where you may have hurt the ghoster, consider reaching out with a sincere apology.

But if their disappearance was entirely unprovoked, recognize that it’s not your fault.

4. Lean on Supportive Relationships

Being ghosted can make you question your worth, but it’s important to remember you are still valued by others. Reach out to family, friends, or a support group. Their presence can remind you that love and connection are still abundant in your life.

“My cousin ghosted me after years of closeness. I leaned on my other family members to fill the void she left. Their support reminded me that her actions didn’t define my value.” – Priya, 34.

5. Focus on Self-Care

Use this time to prioritize your well-being.

Engage in activities that bring you joy, whether it’s exercising, painting, or simply taking long walks.

Meditation and mindfulness practices can help you regain mental clarity.

6. Set Boundaries for the Future

Ghosting often exposes red flags you may have overlooked.

Reflect on the relationship and set boundaries for what you will and won’t tolerate moving forward.

This can help you avoid similar situations in the future.

STOP THINKING OF THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT.

It’s normal to ruminate over why someone ghosted you, but constantly thinking about them keeps you tethered to the pain. Here’s how to break free:

1. Limit Their Presence in Your Life

Unfollow them on social media, delete their number, and remove reminders of them from your environment.

This is not about being petty but about creating space for healing.

In Japan, statistically speaking - there is good chance you will be ghosted more so than any other country. Culture or whatever, it's a nasty way to be.

2. Replace Rumination with Action

Whenever you catch yourself dwelling on the ghoster, redirect your energy into something productive.

Start a new hobby, read a book, or volunteer.

Filling your time with meaningful activities can reduce obsessive thoughts.

3. Challenge Negative Beliefs

Ghosting can make you doubt your worth. Write down any negative thoughts about yourself and counter them with affirmations.

For example, replace “I wasn’t good enough” with “I am worthy of love and respect.”

4. Focus on the Present

Grounding techniques, such as the 5-4-3-2-1 method (naming five things you see, four you can touch, etc.), can help pull you out of painful memories and into the present moment.

Or, if you start to think of the ghoster, ask yourself: Where are they now? Not with me...

This will wake you up to the present and not the past.

Stop thinking of the past. You are not in the past. You are in the present. Your ghoster is not in the present. Do not glorify them by what was said in the past. Past is gone. Just like your ghoster. Gone.

5. Seek Professional Help If You Must

If you find it difficult to move on, consider speaking with a therapist.

They can help you process the pain and rebuild your confidence.

REASONS THEY GHOST

Ghosting is often more about the ghoster’s inability to handle difficult emotions than anything you did. Here are some common reasons:

1. Avoidance of Conflict

Some people fear confrontation and would rather disappear than face an uncomfortable conversation. This avoidance stems from a lack of emotional maturity.

2. Overwhelm or Stress

The ghoster may be dealing with personal issues, such as mental health struggles, work stress, or family problems.

In their overwhelmed state, they might withdraw from relationships.

3. Fear of Intimacy

For those with attachment issues, the closeness of a relationship can feel threatening. Ghosting becomes a way to avoid vulnerability.

4. Self-Centeredness

Unfortunately, some ghosters act out of selfishness, prioritizing their own comfort over the emotional well-being of others.

5. Cultural Norms

In an age of instant communication, ghosting has become an unfortunately normalized way to end relationships, especially in casual or online contexts.

PSYCHOLOGICAL REASONS OF GHOSTING

Ghosting can be rooted in deeper psychological issues:

• Attachment Styles: People with avoidant attachment may struggle with closeness and use ghosting as a defense mechanism.

• Low Emotional Intelligence: Ghosters often lack the skills to navigate complex emotions or communicate effectively.

• Shame or Guilt: If the ghoster feels they’ve wronged you, disappearing might feel easier than facing their actions. Childish yes. But it may be a reason you are looking for.

You Are Not to Blame

It’s crucial to understand that being ghosted is not a reflection of your worth.

Unless you intentionally hurt someone and they communicated their grievances, the choice to ghost lies entirely with the ghoster.

Their actions reveal their coping mechanisms—not your value as a person.

PEOPLE WHO GOT GHOSTED

1. “When my boyfriend ghosted me after three years, I was devastated. But over time, I realized his silence was closure enough. If someone can leave so easily, they don’t deserve my energy.” – Akiko W., 29. Tokyo

2. “My best friend of ten years stopped speaking to me without explanation. Therapy helped me see her actions were about her, not me.” – Kenji T., 35. Osaka

3. “After my sister ghosted me, I wrote her a letter, forgiving her in my heart. It helped me let go of the resentment.” – Tsuyako A., 37. Nagano

4. “Being ghosted taught me to value people who show up consistently. It hurt, but it also helped me build stronger relationships with others.” – Miki S., 36. Niigata

5. “I realized that closure doesn’t come from the person who left. It comes from within.” – Ami Y., 32. Chiba

6. "When she ghosted me, I was confused. We had a three year relationship and suddenly she was gone. It was not a romantic relationship but I really did admire her and had grown to love her as a friend. But she was no friend. After she was gone, I realized that she started the lies about 6 months before she ghosted me and by email three months after. I was devastated. It's been about three months since she became a ghost. When I think of her, I ask myself if I want this kind of person in my life. [Answer: No. I do not] - MBTJ 42. Ginza

MY FINAL THOUGHTS...

Being ghosted is painful, but it’s also an opportunity for growth. If you have been ghosted recently, only time will heal. Take all the time you need to understand that the ghoster does not deserve you at all.

As you process your emotions, remember that you are worthy of relationships built on respect and communication. Many readers have said that they are happy their ghoster is a ghost. Because no one wants a relationship with a ghoster because their action is that of a liar and a childish person that does not deserve any respect.

The person who ghosted you may have left, but they cannot define your future or your self-worth.

Heal, grow, and trust that better connections await you.

If you have been ghosted in Japan want want someone to speak to, however we are not Psychiatrists - but we are good listeners, contact us at: 070.9041.6946 Japan. Or send us a message below.

We receive thousands of questions about Japan, life in Japan as an American, How to obtain a new job abroad - to include full visa sponsorship and How to learn Japanese just to name a few.

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

• Why do you think ghosting happens so often in Japan, and what could be some cultural reasons behind it?

• What are some helpful ways to deal with being ghosted, especially in Japan?

• What unexpected reasons might lead someone in Japan to ghost another person?

• How have others reacted to being ghosted in Japan, and what lessons can we learn from their stories?

• Who can you reach out to in Japan for support or advice if you’ve been ghosted and feel stuck?

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